Hello beautiful people,
Today, I’m pulling out an entry from the archives of an old journal. This was one of the most transformative entries I have ever written — filled with both confession and repentance. Even though it was written months ago, it speaks to where I am today. I was writing to God, so I pray that the words may speak to you and your situation. I hope it speaks to your spirit and that the Lord uses my words to deliver a message that I am unable to.
LOVE. It’s what we all want. What we all desire. And that’s pure, it’s human nature’s code. It wasn’t until [my friends’] wedding, this past weekend, that I realized how beautiful a union with God is. This wasn’t my first wedding, but the first time that I understood that this is the type of joy — the joy of a bride — that I should be sharing with the Lord. I don’t have to wait until ten years from now to feel loved and secure with my husband. The Lord has promised such security today; He is not hiding it from me. He wants it for me, in the purest form. I want to share this love with you, God. This life with you. I want you to be my date. My everything, my all. I’m so sorry for placing the idea of a relationship above you. For not seeing what you’re doing in and for me. It’s a scary thought to think the people will love were never ours — but it’s exciting to know that I will finally be filled. Filled only with your love. I am tired of going back and forth to the well, and I’m so sorry for continuously leaving you. You have proposed to me and have just been waiting for me to say yes. I’m finally saying yes, now. I want to be with you, only you. Please heal my heart of my past and past hurt, oh God. Take away any logic that I claim to have, and replace it with wisdom. Help me to believe, God. To believe in you and your love for me. Even though you’ve shown me countless times…forgive me, God. Open my eyes. Help me live as though I am married to you. You love me, keep me, and protect me. My vow to you is that I will give you all of my love when I make mistakes, I will come to you and tell you about everything. Confess and repent. I will love your children, my brothers and sisters in Christ, and fight for them endlessly. I pray that you help everyone see that they have been proposed to by the king. You. The Lord of Lords.
We know Isaiah 61:10 says
“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, My soul shall be joyful in my God;
For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation,
He has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself With ornaments
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”
Today, the Lord directed me to James 4, and the entire chapter shook me. This is a particular passage, or time of my life, in which the Lord wants me to focus on humility, being grounded, and true to myself. James 4: 7-10 talks about how the cure to worldliness or temptation is being true to yourself. If you resist the enemy –continue to fight my flesh that badly wants worldly intimacy — he will flee. It’s okay and encouraged to mourn and weep. Don’t laugh away the pain. Be true to it. Humility and pure honesty are how the Lord allows the broken-hearted to be lifted up.
James 4: 7-10 reads,
“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord and He will lift you up.”
Thank you for your grace and compassion, God. I apologize for not being humble, for being arrogant. But my vow to you is that each day, each moment, I will try to be completely honest with you and others about my feelings. Not hiding them or feeling ashamed. Because that is where glory comes in. Your glory. Wow. James 4: 13-17 talks about how it’s ridiculous to fret about tomorrow when it’s not promised, especially when life is as short as it is. I’ve been so caught up in my future and my husband and preparing for future pain or hurt, not having the relationship that I want now…that I’m wasting away my life. A life that is not my own. I’m so sorry, Lord. In all that time, I could’ve been with you. Forgive me, and help me to not be boastful or arrogant about a future, as if I am the god over my own life. Whoa. Lord, you have full reign over my life. Help me to live as such. Remind me, God. Continue to humble me.
James 4: 14-16 says
“…whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead, you should say, ‘if the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.’ But now you boast in your arrogance all such boasting is evil.’
Thank you for the revelation and conviction, Lord. It is arrogant of me to stress over my future as if I can control it. I will be a more faithful bride to you.”
The Lord’s Response:
Today marks the beginning of a new, better chapter of your life. This devotional should be focused on being the Lord’s Bride and what that means in each area and season of your life. ♡
Whoever is reading this, my prayer is that the Lord reveals to you what being His bride looks like for you specifically. Do not compare your journey to anyone else’s. Please know that His pursuit for you is one that no man can match. I pray that you do not idolize the gift of love, only the giver. That you would recognize that He will truly do whatever it takes to be with you — to have a relationship with you. You are loved, so incredibly loved. I pray that you recognize that you are not overlooked or unseen, but that God may be invalidating the very things you sought validation from. He is showing you what your foundation is built upon, and is so generously rebuilding it for you. My prayer is that you willingly allow The Potter to continue to mold you into His masterpiece. A masterpiece that will be able to stand proudly in the hands of God. You are seen. Shift your perspective. Turn your eyes from what you think you lost, to what you are gaining.