Hello beautiful Queens!
Today I am coming to you, humbly sharing a lesson I have learned and one that I am still in the process of learning. A lesson about not putting your plans before God’s, and trusting that He has good things for you. A majority of my college walk with the Lord has revolved around letting go of an identity that has been shaped by the world and embracing the one that God has given me. You can imagine it as a caterpillar going through the process of metamorphosis and blossoming into a beautiful, unique butterfly. My process has consisted of shedding the idea that my worth is defined by the way people view me. Jesus could have easily healed me of this “imposter self” syndrome, but like a good father, He made sure that I went through the process and learned my lesson, facilitating deeper healing. The process is always the hardest part. It’s where you bleed and cry. It’s where you discover the fact that having Jesus on your team is the greatest weapon of all. The process also shows you your heart towards the Lord. Will you be like Job and trust Him even in the storm? Or will you buckle and retreat as the enemy wants us to? The process in anything in life is difficult because you are essentially in the dark. Much like being in a cocoon, it is isolated, quiet, and seemingly everlasting. This is the most important part of the journey. It’s where the transformation and renewing take place. Jesus Himself says,
“the kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground, and should sleep by night and rise by day, and the seed should sprout and grow, he himself does not know how. For the earth yields crops by itself: first the blade, then the head, and after that the full grain in the head. But when the grain ripens, immediately he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.”
~Mark 4: 26-29
While we cannot see the seed growing in every stage, be encouraged by the fact that often times the process seems to take so long because God is creating a root system in us that cannot be shaken. An immense blessing requires a solid foundation, which takes time.
One of the things regarding my identity that I asked the Lord to heal me from was the spirit of comparison. He is working on me in many ways, but in this particular season, I have been searching for a summer internship. In my career field, it is important to have at least one internship under your belt to be more marketable. This is a generally accepted rule and one that I have never questioned. It made sense until I realized the amount of stress and pressure is forced upon people. The only way I could realize that was to experience it myself. These past nine months have been overwhelming for me because I felt my value being placed on my experience and that’s not at all from the Lord. Jesus qualifies the called, not calls the qualified. So, I was asking Him for something that I didn’t want for the right reasons, let alone need. Man said that I needed these things to be successful, but God only said that I needed a heart for Him.
I’ve applied for countless internships for nearly a year and couldn’t understand why I was receiving so many rejections. It wasn’t until a few days ago that I truly gave up trying on my own merit, and cried out to God in desperation and surrender. And honestly sis, that’s all He wanted. He wanted to be sure that I had reached optimum humility in this situation. So much so, that if I were to receive an offer, I knew it would be because of Him and only Him. I also had to come to terms with the fact that not it’s not an internship or experiences that will carry me through life, but the fact that I am a child of the most high. Upon receiving this revelation, the Lord instructed me to confess it to my NABA (National Association of Black Accountants) family. For those of you who don’t know, NABA is a professional association — one in which experience and achievements are praised. So, I had to confess how all of this has affected me and how I’ve learned that none of this really matters in the long run.
Not even 12 hours after confessing, I received an amazing internship offer! I was literally in tears because I missed the interviews and everything, but God’s favor really came through. This all goes to show that when God asks something of us, it’s not to make us a martyr for the cause but to truly love us and show us that HIS definition of “good things” far outweighs ours. So, whatever the Lord is trying to free you from, just be obedient, sis. I promise the harvest is well worth the sacrifice. Once you let go of your fears and the mindset that you need to live up to the world’s standards, you will be filled with so much joy and purpose.
Until next time Queen,