“The wilderness is definitely not for the weak.” — said no one ever.
I am in the middle of one of the toughest seasons of my life. And I’m tired. This post is not like the others. I am coming to you raw, and unfiltered. Currently sitting in a study room attempting to do homework, but all I can think of is “come to me all who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28
The wilderness has actually made me incredibly weak. It has strengthened my spirit, but I am in a place where the only way I move forward is if I’m depending on God. I could come to you tonight, telling you about how strong I am and the pretty, desirable aspects of being in a wilderness season, but I won’t. Maybe another day, but today I want to encourage you through the valley of the shadow of death. I get the image of me struggling to cross a finish line and me literally crawling with my cross on my back, holding onto God for refuge and stability.
This wilderness season is different from others that I have shared because I have truly surrendered and been faithful over what God has asked of me. It has been so rewarding, yet so difficult and I just want to be transparent with you — not only in the high moments, but the low ones as well.
I don’t have the words to explain what’s in my heart, so I will simply pray. I didn’t have the motivation to write for various reasons, but the enemy will not have power over my tongue. I am free and am choosing to live as so.
I hope this prayer resonates with you and that the Lord speaks to you in ways that I am unable to.
Please fill me with your Spirit and remind me that the end of things is always better than the beginning. I thank you for your persistence, the way that you chase after me when I want to go run and hide. The way you comfort me with just your presence. The way you discipline and love me.
You know my heart Lord, and you’ve given me ways to express what’s in my heart when I am at a loss for words. I sang with the worship team in Bible study for the first time and it was honestly so liberating to share that moment with you, Lord. Even in this moment, I am at a loss for words so I thank you for understanding what I’m feeling before I even do.
Even though the enemy wants me to think I’m in the wilderness, I see myself walking and talking with you all through Eden. Lord, please help me believe that you want good things for me and to not only trust you when I can see a clear ending but when I’m lost in the valley and you are all I have to look to.
Thank you for who you are. Thank you for your love. Thank you for this brief intimate moment in the study room. Give me your full armor, God. The belt of truth. The breastplate of righteousness. The shield of faith. The helmet of salvation. The sword of the Spirit. Mostly, the confidence of your love that I will carry and embody throughout the wilderness, so that it very well may be Eden.
I dedicate my life to you. My desires, hopes, life, and love are all yours. I thank you for liberating me with each word that I write. My obligations are still prevalent, but my anxiety and fear dissipate with each moment that I am with you.
Only a few days ago, you spoke life into me by declaring “there is something special about your birthday being on Resurrection Sunday. You are alive and revived. Just as I am alive in you.” I didn’t understand and appreciate the gravity of that promise until this very moment.
I thank you for thinking of this very moment of my wilderness season when you chose to die on the cross for me. I am forever yours. I am your bride and you are the one love that will sustain me until the end of days, and beyond.
In Jesus name, I pray